A cowbell is what you call a lovely Southern cow.
 

During the recent presidential election, Hillary Clinton remarked that she had eight years of experience as first lady, experience as a senator, and experience as secretary of state.  In the world of task organization, years of service are secondary, while accomplishment of the mission is primary.

- (from an article at American Thinker by Frank Ryan)



She has no clue.  In those first two roles, she accomplished absolutely nothing of note (not that a first lady is supposed to accomplish anything at all unless they have ego issues, which she did) and in the third position she managed to let several good people get killed because of her incompetence and stupidity.  She lied to the american public about this for a long time, using several lame excuses as to who should take the blame and how and why.  Comey is protecting her on this issue and much more (morbid and perverse stuff) by not letting her emails be inspected, and I'd be willing to bet the money of all the WADC swamp rats on that statement.  Of course, the democrats don't/won't ever believe that she is capable of such deception.  They haven't been reading the right stuff about her, that's all I can say.  I've read more than enough stuff about her to last me a lifetime and none of it is good news.
 

Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 

Money launderers are filthy rich!    

The flip-side of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile.  

This one is really good!

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Quote of the Day from the Los Angeles Times:

"Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're Number One. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words." -  Columnist Burt Prelutsky, Los Angeles Times

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A bunch of quotes from George Carlin.  Some of these I've never heard before and I thought I'd heard everything he ever said!

https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/george_carlin
 

What in the hell happened to all of my quotes???  There were about 3 or 4 pages of them here and now there's only one page - - - someone is changing things around without my consent, it would seem.  Hafta find another forum host - - again.  This will be the third time in two years.  Damn.

Spoken like a true millionaire (which today would be a billionaire or a gazillionaire).  I'm pretty sure most, if not all, of the gazillionaires of today fully agree with this quote, which is why the rest of us are having so much trouble just living life.  The gazillionaires figure they have the right to tell us what to do with every aspect of our lives.  I've got news for them - they will only ignite another revolution, even if it has to be a bloody one.  It's coming.  Soon.  Watch for it.

“I believe Socialism is the grandest theory ever presented, and I am sure it will someday rule the world. Then we will have attained the Millennium…Then men will be content to work for the general welfare and share their riches with their neighbors.” (The New York Times, 1 January 1885, "A Millionaire Socialist")

In the deli, I learnt the finer aspics of making jello salad.

The Border Patrol controls the flow of illegal drugs at the Ports of Entry….
The drug cartels control the flow of illegal drugs …everywhere else.

WHERE ARE THE REST OF MY PAGES????????????????

THERE USED TO BE ABOUT 5 OR 6 PAGES OF "JOKES" HERE - - - - NOW THEY'RE GONE.  JUST WENT POOF I SUPPOSE, HUH?  THIS BOARD SUCKS SOMETIMES.

GIVE ME BACK MY MISSING PAGES OF JOKES.  MAYBE SOME COMPUTER WHIZ CAN HELP?????      
 

If Jesus were alive today he would probably say "be careful or you just might find me."

Increasingly, I get the feeling that either the Democrats are losing touch with reality, or I am. I guess we will find out in November 2020.

Don't know who wrote this, but truer words were never spoken.

"There is little to separate democrats from ISIS when it comes to plans for the future of America...."

It's getting really scary now.  The dems are acting like a bunch of spoiled children and yet they want people to trust them with our future??  Uh, I don't think so.